From Omniverse Nexus
Revision as of 21:11, 10 June 2017 by Krayfishkarl (talk | contribs) (1 revision imported)
Jump to navigation Jump to search

The Cult of Uszaroth is a religion dedicated to the practices of the Mavetian of the same name. Followers of such religion are referred to as Uszarothians, or griefers. While griefers can prove to be public nuisances, their main targets are high authoritative figures, particularly arrogant, greedy ones.


While the Cult of Uszaroth is most well known for being a Vaikan religion, the cult also appears on numerous other worlds prior to contact with the Vaikan, an oddity that proved unlikely to be a coincidence. The current explanation is that Uszaroth himself visited such worlds during the early development of their civilization and became a part of historical events misremembered as a supernatural encounters.


The Cult of Uszaroth lacks any sort of structure. The only thing that governs the religion is a handbook which describes the basics on griefing. This book, according to legend, are the words of Uszaroth himself.


While Uszarothians are known to cause trouble and mischief, their religion is neither considered evil nor illegal. The Church of Jamzezism states that, "Uszarothians fill in the niche of spreading chaos so that the high and mighty do not abuse their power. They are just as important to the balance of the universe as the Jamzezists who seek to fight evil."

The Handbook

Below is an abridged version of the book:

So, if you are reading this, then you like griefing, don't you? Well, as fun as it is, there's a few rules to follow. Yes, I know you loathe rules, but griefing must be done right for it to be effective. The Golden Rule of griefing is that you have to be both clever and funny. Failing in one area means failing in the other. Thus, this results in an fail-grief which stains your own image.

Mission: Why do we troll?

Trolling is looked down upon in society. Our goal is to change that. The real purpose of trolling is to bring down, using humiliation, the high and mighty who abuse their power. It's our way of bringing balance to the universe...with chaos. Okay, yes I know you are probably starting to get bored with philosophical stuff, but at least make the effort to understand why we grief. Not all trolls are worthy of joining my cause - those are the wannabe trolls who are part of our hitlist, but I'll get to those later. First, let's start with the basics.

Choosing a target

The best targets for griefing are the high and mighty. Griefers exist because our goal is to put the elitist, arrogant jerks in their place. The target you pick has to be someone nobody likes, and people will laugh at him when he gets griefed. Griefing a homeless child isn't funny. That's just cruel. Don't grief nice people either. It makes YOU look like the jerk.

Another excellent target is the troll, quite an erroneous term for them. These trolls aren't funny at all. They are annoying to everyone. We are the true trolls, the funny trolls. The unfunny trolls that do not follow this handbook deserve to be put in their place.

The Actual Griefing Part

Now that you've chosen a good target, you need to grief them. Don't kill them, though. We're not assassins. Griefing them can either mean their embarrassment or simple misfortune. The more elaborate - the better. A successful grief attempt will make you look incredibly intelligent and the target incredibly dumb. But if the griefing attempt fails, it will be the other way around.


Trolling is the most common way to grief someone. While we do employ practice similar to common trolls, what sets us apart is that we are more clever and funny than them. The key to successfully trolling a troll is to exploit them to make them look as stupid as possible. You have to be careful because if you become angry at them, you have failed. Remember that they do not listen to logical reasoning, so choose your words carefully. The main goal is humor. If in the end, you were the funniest, you become the winner.


Ah yes, vandalism. There are two main types: the kind you do physically, the other on the extranet. Physical vandalism is altering the AI of a machine to make it do something hilarious. I'm sure all the smarty ones know how to pull this one off. It's also funny to screw up those midget Nazis' planets with spires n' stuff. Hehehe. I made quite a scene, didn't I?

There's another type of vandalism that I absolutely despise. It's the worst stain of existence, the bottom of the barrel: Extranet vandalism.

Sure, it is my duty to create a legion of trolls, but extranet vandalism is neither funny nor clever. Such vandalism is editing onlining databases to make them say something incredibly stupid that only someone with the IQ of a dead Eletar could come up with. I mean, some are trying to be funny, but these databases are on the EXTRANET! By vandalizing the extranet, you vandalize everyone, not just the elitists! That, my friends, is a big no-no. We are supposed to help society, not ruin it! Extranet vandalism makes me disappointed. What if one of my other followers is looking up information on how to troll the right way only to find the article vandalized by some wannabe noob? Facepalm! My fellow trolls, you are better than that. There are plenty other ways to be funny, and vandalism clearly isn't one of them.